You have finally made it to the point in your relationship where she wants to introduce you to her dad. You are about to realize that when you date the girl, you also date her parents and most of the time the dad is not going to be so keen on your polished charms.
What’s a guy to do? Blow him away with your mind!
These scientific facts will either impress him or leave him confused enough to not realize that you just snuck out the door with his daughter.
Fact #1. He knows his girl has the most beautiful eyes. Point out to him that her eyes are the exact same size as the day she was born. Keep the fact that she closes them when she kisses you to yourself.
Fact #2. You weren’t born with knee caps. Most children don’t develop them until between the ages of five and seven. This means that if you started dating his daughter when you were four he would not have been able to threaten to break your knee caps.
Fact #3. Show him your safe sex IQ by filling him in on the fact that condoms have been in use for nearly four hundred years. Resist the urge to pull one out and examine the expiration date at the dinner table.
Fact #4. If he asks what you think is special and unique about his daughter, tell him you can’t get enough of her tongue print. Each person’s is as individual as their fingerprints.
Fact #5. Show him your love of nature by filling him in on the fact that echidnas have four penis heads while female kangaroos sport three vaginas.
Fact #6. If he accuses you of being dim, let him know that your brain operates with the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb.
Fact #7. Share your medical knowledge with him. Right before you get frostbite, you get frost nip.
Fact #8. The human nose is capable of remembering up to 50,000 different scents. Humans put off different scents based on stress and emotions. This helps to biologically protect ourselves, especially against angry fathers.
Fact #9. If he worries that you are keeping her out too late, tell him that bullfrogs never sleep and they do just fine.
Fact #10. There are some fruit flies that are genetically incapable of becoming intoxicated.
Fact #11. Make sure you are clean shaven and let him know that you did so for the sake of his daughter’s health. Not only can facial hair harbor e coli which you can smear all over her face, but one man’s beard grew so long that he met his death when he tripped over it, something that you will never let happen to his daughter.
Fact #12. Does he like the fizzy sound of a freshly poured brew? That is the same sound that icebergs make when they melt. This is a great way to get into the heated topic of global warming.
Fact #13. If he tells you he can spot a tiger by its stripes this could be true. Each tiger has a stripe pattern that is completely unique.
Fact #14. He thinks she is sweet as honey, you think she is intoxicating. If she is anything like Himalayan Honey Bee you are both correct. The honey they produce is actually a hallucinogenic.
Fact #15. Her eyes are just blue as the sky; they are blue as the sunset on Mars.
Fact #16. It is impossible to sneeze in your sleep.
Fact #17. Tell him that a little fat around the middle is ok, after all the brain is composed of almost 60% fat.
Fact #18. Even if he threatens to kill you, his daughter’s touch will still give you goose bumps since it is possible to get them even post mortem.
Fact #19. Does he have his eye on you? So would an iguana with their three eyes.
Fact #20. Fill him in on an alternative use for his Viagra subscription. When crushed and put in water the little blue pill can extend the life of cut flowers.
Fact #21. There are no ants on Antarctica, but Mother Nature keeps it in balance with a single colony of ants that spans three continents.
Fact #22. Urine is a natural teeth whitener.
Fact #23. You have enough blood vessels in your body to wrap around the world twice. He might want to test this out with you, don’t let him.
Fact #24. He might be interested in optogenetics, which were used to implant false, negative memories into the brains of mice. Maybe he really can brainwash his daughter into not dating you.
If all else fails…
Fact #25. Greet him with a kiss. If he looks at you weird, just tell him that is how prairie dogs do it.